1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says
"sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit
for experimental purposes. They called it the herd
shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in S Carolina. One took
off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other
stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and
naturally became known
as the lesser of two weevils.
4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a
fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon,
slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for
the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the
dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,
and met in the lobby where they were discussing their
recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel
manager came out of the office after an hour, and
asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer.
8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One
goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The
other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan".
Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He
replies, "They're twins for Pete sake!! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help
with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy
flowers from the Men of God, so their business
flourished. A rival florist became upset that his
business was suffering because people felt compelled
to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut
back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The
florist went to them and begged that they shut down.
Again they refused. So the florist then hired Hugh
McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went
to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their
flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they
didn't close, he'd be back. Well, totally terrified,
the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This
proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his
whole life, which created an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered
from very bad breath. This made him .....what?
This is so bad it's good...) -- a super callused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
11. And finally, there was a man who sent 10 puns to
some friends in hopes at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten did!


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KC8TCQ

"3 out of 4 people surveyed, belong to 75% of the population."