This article was originally posted in the April, 2004 issue of
Scanning USA Magazine. There were a couple pictures, and maybe one of
these days I'll put them up on a web site somewhere. -Deep Throat
(and the Nixon Plumbers)

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Monitoring UFOs
By Deep Throat

I once had a "close encounter" with space aliens. (Or it could have
been the FCC. That night was pretty hazy.) I had just come back from a
party at a loft in Watertown, Massachusetts that involved interesting
electronic devices, attractive ladies who were into geeks, and large
amounts of Jose Cuervo. I poured myself out of my ride after a
two-hour return trip (always have a designated driver when you go out
to pickle your brain), and managed to fall up the two flights of
stairs to my apartment where the downy comfort of my bed awaited.
Properly situated, I had no sooner fell into that comatose state of
bliss then I sensed a presence in the bedroom. Now fully aware and
stone cold sober by way of adrenaline, in one smooth motion I hit the
touch lamp on the nightstand and drew down on the intruder with the
CZ52 I keep handy for unwelcome guests. Taking a look at my target, I
notice it is a small ugly gray-looking human with a big head. I first
thought it was my landlord, and started to yell at him for not
knocking on the door before entering. I then realized that my
unexpected visitor was actually from way out of town. It turned out
that "he" was a Grey Alien trying to abduct me, but the high levels of
Agave in my system somehow thwarted the paralysis device they use.
Faced with potential oblivion by way of armed, angry human denied a
nice drunken sleep, they offered me Twinkies, Coke, and ride in their
spaceship in exchange for a few minutes of my time. I told them that
my parents warned me against taking rides from strangers, and that
they better at least offer me a few Krugerands in exchange for being a
test subject. The space alien replied that they usually keep their
gold bullion in Canadian Maple Leafs, and asked if those would be OK
instead.

After that things get a little fuzzy and the only things I kind of
recall are consenting to a brain tissue sample (considering how many
brain cells I've fried, I thought a few more shouldn't matter), their
sampling machine repeatedly printing out the words "Hermano del
Diablo" before crashing, a heavily-modified Cobra 148GTL CB in the
spaceship's cockpit set to Channel 19, and getting hustled off the
spaceship after I started taking apart the ship's ion drive with my
Leatherman Tool to see how it worked. I woke up the next day, and
thought it was all a dream until I saw a stack of gold Canadian Maple
Leafs on my nightstand next to the CZ52. That afternoon I sold a few
of them to a local pawnshop and bought an Icom R8500 and more Cuervo.
Being an electronic plumber by trade, this experience had gotten me
interested in what could probably be the ultimate in scanner listening
– monitoring UFOs, or Unidentified Flying Objects.

From my previous experience, I knew that space aliens make use of the
Eleven Meter band on the frequency of 27.185 Mhz. The problem with
this frequency however is the difficulty in telling the difference
between the terrestrial users and the extra-terrestrial ones. It would
seem obvious to me that a race of beings capable of interstellar
transportation would rely on more advanced communications than CB.
Then again, there may be something special about the 27 Mhz. spectrum
that we humans are unaware of. On that note, noted musician and
ufologist Mojo Nixon in his critically acclaimed work UFOs, Big Rigs,
and BBQ puts forth the theory that some space aliens are actually
intergalactic truckers who stop off at Planet Earth because we have
the only truck stops in this corner of the galaxy (and serve the best
food).

Scannists interested in this subset of monitoring should acquire a few
pieces of auxiliary equipment to augment their efforts. The first is a
good set of 10x50 binoculars. I have found these to be ideal for
getting a better view of things in the sky. They offer a wide enough
view and enough magnification to enable you to distinguish between
mundane flying objects such as weather balloons, and things that might
be a little more interesting. You may also want to get a telescope for
those times when additional magnification is needed. The next items
are some supplementary reading material. A good aircraft recognition
guide such as Janes is essential, as are aviation and astronomy
related periodicals such as Aviation Week, Air & Space, and Sky &
Telescope. Part of monitoring UFOs is being able to identify the stuff
that is terrestrial in origin, and a normal part of the evening sky.
Nothing is more embarrassing to discover that your UFO was actually a
B2 bomber, the International Space Station, or the planet Uranus.
Armed with optics and information on craft indigenous to this planet,
you can visually confirm information heard while searching via
electromagnetic means. Another potentially useful item is a compass;
as in the type that normally points somewhere North. If it starts
swinging around all over the place, things will probably start to get
interesting real soon. UFOs have been rumored to cause magnetic
anomalies, and unusual compass behavior could mean that a UFO is
nearby. It may also mean that a local ham just turned on his linear,
and started chewing the rag on 3880. Those of you who are still using
real computers such as S-100, PDP-11, or TRS-80 systems may also
notice your compass "twitches" slightly upon powering your system up.
This is most noticeable on with TRS-80 Model 1 systems. One such
hobbyist during the mid-1980s was reported to have booted up his Model
1 to play a few games of Lunar Lander only to discover black flying
"triangles" hovering over his residence, and total white-out of TV
reception in a mile radius. The hobbyist was later seen near
Lakehurst, New Jersey a few years after the incident wearing clothing
that screamed out the word "engineer" and sporting implants that would
make a Borg jealous.

As far as frequencies are concerned, you should by now realize that
frequencies for space aliens are not listed in Police Call. My
approach is to listen to select terrestrial frequencies that may
provide UFO event indication in my area, usually in the form of one
pilot asking another "What the heck was that?!" or common mil-air
frequencies that may be used by interceptor aircraft. Frequencies such
as 121.5, 243.0, 364.2, 122.2, 122.75, 122.925, and 123.45 MHz. are
good bets. I also listen to local aircraft test frequencies in my
area, as many alleged UFOs turn out to be experimental aircraft. For
example, Sikorsky Aircraft in Connecticut uses 36.90, 38.90, 41.10,
123.15, 123.20, 123.275, 123.325, 123.425, 123.45, 123.525, 123.55,
123.575, 233.80, 275.20, 304.60, 314.60, 324.6, 359.40, 380.4, 382.60,
and 384.60 MHz. for flight test operations. Searching 1435-1535,
2200-2300, and 2310-2390 MHz. will also alert you to any aircraft
testing in your area. Those frequency ranges are allocated for
aircraft test telemetry. Likewise, the local DME/TACAN frequency
(960-1215 MHz.) assigned to your neighborhood VORTAC site, or the
airborne SIF/SSR transponder frequency on 1090 MHz. is also useful. If
your UFO is squwaking, then it's probably of terrestrial origin. The
Aircraft transmit on DME/TACAN frequencies from 1025 to 1150 MHz. in 1
MHz. steps.

In the few years of UFO monitoring, I've mostly encountered
experimental aircraft, celestial bodies, and the odd satellite. I only
managed to snag one unidentified flying object that appeared to be
extraterrestrial in origin. It appeared that the craft was having
technical difficulties, and landed in a central Connecticut town well
known for amount of RF that hobbyists generate there. They probably
homed in the weird signals emanating on 147.555 MHz. The craft landed
in a parking lot, its occupant got out, and proceeded to a local
electronics store to (I assume) acquire repair parts. As our
intergalactic visitor left the store, I managed to snap a quick
picture of him which I will share with you in this article. For some
reason, my digital camera (along with my other electronics) was on the
fritz that evening, so the picture quality isn't all that great.

EOF