Friday, March 28, 2008
'Radio: Clear Channels Wall Street shuffle
http://gormanmediablog.blogspot.com/2008/03/radio-clear-channels-wall-street.html

We now join the telephone conversation in progress…

“After all the things our father http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lowry_Mays
did for you and your family
http://www.oldamericancentury.org/bushco/bush_crime_family.htm...,” whines
Mark http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Mays in a high pitched voice that
could cause pain to a dog's ears.

“We swayed…er…positioned our newscasts in your favor, Mr. President
http://www.takebackthemedia.com/radiogaga.html. We even banned the Dixie
Chicks
http://southernstudies.org/facingsouth/2007/02/chicks-sweep-whats-message-to-big.aspand
Bruce Springsteen
http://www.amazon.com/Clear-Channel-Magic-Radio-Airplay/forum/Fx1P84E1RJ9UOF7/Tx2QRZ4N0ZUSRMX/1?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B000V8I2QUwhen
they dared to insult your vision for America.”

“Sorry, Mark. Believe me. I feel your pain. I have eight years collapsing
before me. You have only Clear Channel
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=ap6ZxLNscTSU&refer=us.
Have your dad call my dad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_H._W._Bush.
Maybe he can help.”

Translation: Go away, kid. You bother me.

They're calling in all the chits at the San Antonio headquarters of Clear
Channel.

We can only imagine.

“Hi this is Mark” (silence) “Mark Mays” (silence) “Please don't make me say
it…Mark Mays, President and CEO of Clear Channel.” (click!)

You're Mark Mays and your new wake up time is 3 AM.

Yesterday morning, you orchestrated the press release blast, which told how
your family friend (that part omitted) and Texas Judge John Gabriel
http://www.paidcontent.org/entry/419-inside-the-deals-texas-justice-may-give-clear-channel-another-shot/
issued a temporary restraining order against the banks that were backing out
of your buyout deal with BainCapital and Thomas H. Lee. The order read that
the banks involved would have to complete the deal based on terms consistent
with their commitment letter.

“Unusual.” That's what Lawrence A. Hamermesh
http://law.widener.edu/Academics/Faculty/ProfilesDe/HamermeshLawrenceA.aspx,
a professor of corporate law at Windener University of Law in Delaware
called Judge Gabriel's action. As a rule, a judge doesn't issue a
restraining order prior to holding a hearing to discuss a case.
So we're sitting here in limbo until Tuesday, April 8 - the date of a
hearing to determine whether this temporary restraining order should be
graduated to a temporary injunction.

Translation: Only the lawyers are getting rich on this deal.

You're Mark Mays and how about the call you got while working damage
control.

“Mark, today's Wall Street Journal http://online.wsj.com/public/us. Front
page. Above the fold: Clear Channel Warns Its Deal May Not Close.

That's the front page of the most-read front page in the world. It's the
first headline that most decision makers read in the morning.

My favorite line in 'todays Journal
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120660493325368265.html?mod=todays_us_nonsub_mon ey_and_investing:
If it doesn't go private, Clear Channel will be relying on disgruntled
employees to help drive growth in a tough economic climate.

Don't fret over that front page story, Mark. By Monday, most will be
wrapping their garbage in it.

What was that famous line your father was fond of?

”We are not in the business of providing news and information; we're simply
in the business of selling our customers' products.”

You weren't even that.

Don't think that mentioning your outdoor business instead of radio makes
Clear Channel look better. How many unsold boards are you stuck with right
now? And what do your projections look like? Thought so.

Even if you manage to pull off a miracle and call in enough chits and peddle
enough influence to get you out of this mess, the name Clear Channel will
always bring to mind tarnished goods and damaged merchandise.

From Barneys http://www.barneys.com/b/;jsessionid=bdge8_Y5j7AdA_-7aK2Jr to
Big Lots http://www.biglots.com/.

How does it feel to want?

It's like that depression era song by Bessie Smith that was number one
seventy-eight years ago today: “Nobody knows you when you're down and out.”

Remember those good ol' days when you were buying up everything - whether
you needed it or not? There was Katz http://www.katz-media.com/, Premiere
http://www.premiereradio.com/, AgriBroadcast
http://www.clearchannel.com/, FoxSports,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_Sports_Radio Inside Radio
http://www.insideradio.com/, Duncan
http://www.duncanworldwide.com/report.asp, program and marketing
consultants
http://www.allbusiness.com/services/motion-pictures/4483715-1.html,
concert promoters http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Live_Nation, and venues
http://http/www.boston.com/ae/music/articles/2006/01/25/live_nation_takes_over_clear_channels_concerts/
- and the list goes on. You were forced to sell off the concert business
when you tanked it and you stop publishing Duncan when radio billing started
going south.

Bet you never thought you'd read the word collapse in the same sentence as
Clear Channel back in the days when you convinced yourself the party would
never end.

You were what Larry Flynt http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Flyntwas in
the seventies.

Peter Guber http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Guberand Jon Peters
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Peters in the eighties.

Dieter Zetsche http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dieter_Zetsche in the
nineties.

Gerald Levin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_Levin in 2000.

Buy it now and figure out what to do with it later.

Sure, you got conned by one of the best in the business…but now 'Randys
http://http/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Michaels hanging out with Sam Zell
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Zell and calling the trades to spread
rumors that he and Sam may pick through the pieces of Clear Channel just to
bust your balls.

And you can't blame him for taking advantage of you.

This Clear Channel collapse isn't all bad news. In the weeks and months to
come as Clear Channel properties are parted out as salvage for fair market
price to smaller broadcast companies - emphasis on broadcast - those whose
creativity has been stifled for the past decade - or those that were
unwillingly forced out of broadcasting - will find new opportunities to
restructure this industry.

In the end, Mark, you were just another empty tyrant in charge of an empire
of straw men.

And the one's that got you where you are today are packing their golden
parachutes as you read this.

You should've listened to the lyrics of that country song by your fellow
Texan Kenny Rogers: “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold
'em,/ Know when to walk away and know when to run /You never count your
money when you're sittin' at the table /There'll be time enough for countin'
when the dealin's done.”
*