On 7/31/2010 11:49 AM, Radio KØHB wrote:
How can you tell if you are a real Ham

1. When you look at a full moon and wonder how much antenna gain you
would need.

Actually, I wonder if I'll ever figure out why the Hunter's moon isn't
in hunting season.

2. When a friend gets a ride from you and remarks that you have a lot o
f
CBs in your vehicle, it turns in to an hour long rant on how ham radio
is not CB radio.

I never let it go for an hour; five minutes tops. I tell them that I
work for the IRS and it's all classified equipment used to identify
unregistered money, and definitely not CB gear.

3. When someone asks for directions, you pause, wondering if long or
short path would be best.

Depends on the person asking, doesn't it? How soon do you want to see
them again?

4. When you can look at a globe and be able to point to your antipode
(and you know what an antipode is).

Ah, but do *you* know how it's pronounced?

5. Your cell phone ring tone is a Morse code message of some kind.

I prefer the alert signal from "Our Man Flint".

6. You have accidentally said your Amateur Radio call sign at the end o
f
a telephone conversation.

What can I say? The Sixties were very good to me!

7. Your favorite vacation spots are always on mountain tops.

My favorite camping spots are on mountain tops. My favorite *vacation*
spots come with DXCC call letters and a four-element beam up at 32 meters
!

8. You notice more antennas than road signs while driving your car.

Actually, I notice more attractive women than road signs while driving.
Hey, I can always get another antenna ...

9. You have driven onto the shoulder of the road while looking at an
antenna.

True, but it was the antenna on a State Police Cruiser and I was looking
at it in my rear-view mirror ...

10. Porcupines appear to be fascinated with your car.

I've never been able to tell: I won't get near enough to figure out
which end the eyes are at.

11. If you ever tried to figure out the operating frequency of your
microwave oven.

I can't bring myself to learn that much math. Do you think the dried-out
Mac 'n Cheese affects the SWR?

12. When you look around your bedroom of wall to wall ham gear and ask:
Why am I still single?

..... or look around your cellar full of boxes, and wonder why none of it
is in the bedroom anymore.

13. The local city council doesn't like you.

Why sure they do! I'm the reason they got their last raise!

14. You think towers look pretty.

Only if they sway in the wind.

15. Your family doesn't have a clue what to get you for Christmas, even
after you tell them.

Mine doesn't have a clue until I give them the bill for what I already
bought!

16. Your HF amplifier puts out more power than the local AM radio stati
on.

If you're a real ham, you've already made a deal to use their towers
after they go off the air at night!

17. The wife and kids are away and the first thing that goes through
your head is that no one will bother you while you call "CQ DX" a few
hundred times.

..... unless you still run AM and have neighbors with cheap stereos.

18. When you pull into a donut shop and the cops there on their coffee
break ask if they can see your radio setup.

In my town, they ask if I can fix their _computer_ setup. They already
have plenty of spare radios.

19. You refer to your children as your "Harmonics".

Of course I do. Am I missing something?

20. Your girlfriend or wife asks: "You're going to spend $XXXX on what?

She did, but just once: I said "something that was here before you and
will be here the rest of my life." (This can have unexpected
repercussions. See #12, above.)

21. You actually believe you got a good deal on eBay.

I did! Of course, that was about a week after Ebay started ...

22. When you see a house with a metal roof, and your only thought is
what a great ground plane that would be.

Not quite: I wonder if there's any danger of electrolytic action.

23. You have pictures of your radio equipment as wallpaper on your
computer's desktop.

I have pictures of the gear I _will_ have someday, not what I have
_now_. Does that count?


24. Every family vacation includes a stop at a Ham radio store.

..... while the wife is supervising the kids on the rock wall at the
nearby YMCA. You have to _plan_ _ahead_!

25. The first question you ask the new car dealer is: "What is the
alternator's current output"?

I always ask if the warranty covers unexplained and early death of the
emission control computer. Don't ask me why.

26. You buy a brand new car based on the radio mounting locations and
antenna mounting possibilities.

Actually, I buy new cars based on whether they have computerized
emission control systems. Don't ask me why.

27. You have tapped out Morse code on your car's horn.

Only in front of my XYL's father's house.

28. A lightning storm takes out a new Laptop, Plasma TV, and DVD
Recorder, but all you care about is if your radios are okay.

Of course: radio are_IMPORTANT_!

29. Your wife has had to ride in the back seat because you had radio
equipment in the front seat.

No, she rides in the back seat so that I can't hand her the map.

39. You have Ham radio magazines in the bathroom.

..... In the same rack as my wife's romance novels.

40. When your doorbell rings, you immediately shut down the amplifier.

Didn't they teach you anything at Ham school? It's not an amplifier:
it's a medically necessary prescription diathermy instrument!

41. Fermentation never enters your mind when "homebrew" is mentioned.

Sure it does! That's what homebrew work parties are all about!

42. Instead of just saying no, you have said "negative".

..... only with cold-calls from telemarketers. It throws them off their pa
ce.

43. You have used a person's name to indicate acknowledgement.

True. I prefer "Ralph".

53. Your neighbors thought you were nuts when you ripped up your lawn t
o
bury chicken wire.

Yes, but they thought I was nuts anyway after I climbed the 52' Maple
tree to tap in a pulley.

54. Your next door neighbor thinks that your wife is a widow.

Not any mo I connected the back fence gate to my HV supply!

55. Your wife has delivered meals to your Ham shack.

..... and in return, she doesn't have to hear me say
"Salt-salt-salt-please-please-please during a meteor-scatter opening!

56. If you sold all your Ham radio equipment, you could pay off your
mortgage.

I already did, but I didn't tell anyone, so now I have much better
equipment, which I bought with the mortgage payments!

Bill, W1AC