On Wed, 07 Feb 2007 21:54:57 -0500, Chuck Harris
wrote:

But, that isn't what I was clucking about. The stories that went prior
to yours about how to train your wife by lying to her about repairs
on friend's stuff, or sneaking it into the house, are the ones that
are trouble waiting to happen. We are mostly all adults here, we should
act like adults.

They were also mostly tongue-in-cheek, which you apparently missed, Mr. Poop.

-- Larry

On Wed, 07 Feb 2007 10:07:05 -0500, Chuck Harris
wrote:

COLIN LAMB wrote:
"Respect and trust. It is the only way. Trickiness and deceit will only
result in a divorce."

So, when your wife asks you what you think of the new recipe she slaved 8
hours making, you have no problems telling her it tastes like crap?

No, I wouldn't tell her it: "it tastes like crap", I'd tell her something
didn't work out quite right, and then I'd tell her what. My wife is a great
cook. She knows when she gets good results, and when he has gotten a bad
result.

We are both retired and both busy. We eat a lot of TV dinners ...and
salads.

Or, when she comes back with a new hairdo she is proud of, you tell her the
old one was a lot better.

I usually forget to say anything.


No, I can tell how she feels by the look in her eyes. If she is happy with
the result, then I am happy. It is called being aware of your spouse.

If she's not, I don't say anything, or course I usually forget any
way.


When your wife just turns 50 and asks you how old she looks, you tell her
the truth?

We both turned 50 so long ago it's hard to remember. OTOH she's more
trim now than even back then. Turning 40, 50, and so on has never been
a traumatic occasion for us. Actually, I think I told here she looks
pretty good for such an old gal. OTOH I also told her that yesterday.


We are both over 50, and she looks great. Neither of us are buff 20 YO's anymore,
but I see her physical beauty, and her spiritual beauty... It works for me!

Both of us were probably in the best physical shape of our lives
through our 40's and into our 50's.

Now I'm the one who needs to lose the weight.
She bicycles several thousand miles a year and works out about 3 or 4
times a week.

I try to work out a half hour to 40 minutes a day on a Nordic Trac and
fly airplanes. Flying does give your legs quite a work out. My
profession was Computer Science and I keep our computers running and
up-to-date along with our own network. That results in far too much
"chair time" which is why I'm the one who needs to lose weight.


There is one other thing you need to know, a wife that constantly asks land mine
questions is trying to provoke a confrontation. You had better find out what
is wrong, and help make it right.

At our age, we both try to avoid asking things like that.:-)) Learned
that "long ago". We still have a sense of humor, know our own
weaknesses and each other's. We make light of our own and never make
fun of the other's.

Sometimes wives do not want to know the truth. My wife would cringe when
she saw the checks I wrote for helicopter rental. So, she asked me to
create a helicopter account and keep it from her. I did. Soon, it became
the expensive aircraft and radio account. She has been happy since.

That's fine as it's what she wanted.

It's not uncommon to hear her say, "It's such a nice day, why aren't
you out flying?" She knows what flying a high performance, complex,
retract costs.
My wife pays the bills. She knows where it all goes. I do the
investing. She says I also do the spending, but it pretty much evens
out.


My wife is my best friend, and my partner. There is no way I would try and
shield her from my expense account. Nor would she me from hers.

We each do our own thing such as biking and flying, but we do things
together as well.


Honesty is the quickest way to tick your spouse off and get a divorce.

There is brutal honesty and common sense honesty.
9 times out of 10 diplomacy works wonders with the truth but it may
take a careful approach. After this many years I also know when I
shouldn't say any thing (usually)


The little lies you tell will build up to a crushing point, and one day you
will discover how wrong you were.

A friend said she and her husband never had an argument. One day she
came home and he was gone. Some people might have to think about that
one for a while but the reasoning is quite evident.

-Chuck

No one is perfect. You know there is, or are going to be problems
when one or both of a couple think the other is perfect. If a couple
never has an argument it means one of them just gives in with out
saying anything.
Roger Halstead (K8RI & ARRL life member)
(N833R, S# CD-2 Worlds oldest Debonair)
www.rogerhalstead.com

pltrgyst wrote:
On Wed, 07 Feb 2007 21:54:57 -0500, Chuck Harris
wrote:

But, that isn't what I was clucking about. The stories that went prior
to yours about how to train your wife by lying to her about repairs
on friend's stuff, or sneaking it into the house, are the ones that
are trouble waiting to happen. We are mostly all adults here, we should
act like adults.

They were also mostly tongue-in-cheek, which you apparently missed, Mr. Poop.

-- Larry

No, I don't think they were. I have known far to many guys
who did stuff like that. They spent their days thinking up
ways to sneak this in, or get out of that chore... before they
knew it, they were single.

Which, I suppose, is what they wanted all along.

-Chuck

On the other hand, there are a number of women that are very controlling and
that control unreasonably limits their husband's activities. I have ham
friends who do not allow their husband to have an antenna outisde "for fear
of neighbors objections". In that case, the neighbors are more important
then the husband. Seems like a questionable marriage from the start.

Part of the secret of a long marriage is to find the hot buttons of your
spouse and never push them. For me, being late for dinner, without calling,
even in an emergency, is not recommended. Another is having the slightest
piece of food in the sink when she returns from a long trip. Beyond that,
she is tolerant.

I did mention earlier that when she was gone on a long weekend, I did sneak
in 14,000 tubes and it was weeks before she noticed them. Is that criminal?
A friend was dying and wanted me to buy them from him - so I did. She would
not have wanted them at our place and it would have bothered her if, before
bringing them home I had said "honey, I am going to bring 14,000 tubes home,
what do you think?" When she found out, it was already accomplished. I hid
them fairly well, I thought. She found them and tolerated them. Not
pleased, but she understands that I have many good qualities. She never
once suggested that I was the only man she knew with 16,000 radio tubes.
She never said that none of her friends have to live with 16,000 radio
tubes.

She would rather spend $300 on a night out. I would rather spend the money
on a ratty old radio. My investment is a much better investment, and she
knows it. No different than a husband who came to my office one day. His
wife had passed away and he wondered if there was anything that needed to be
probated. I inquired. They were both immigrants from Russia and washed
dishes. I asked what assets they had. He said a car and a few thousand
dollars - everything they needed. I smiled and said there was nothing I
needed to do. Over the next few months, he brought in many stock
certificates found hidden around the house. In the end, he brought in over
$100,000 worth of stock certificates (this was decades ago when $100,000 was
real money). His wife had spent all their savings on stock certificates.
He knew nothing about it. He was happy. The marriage, by your standard,
was a total fraud, so they should have divorced, I suppose.

Good marriages are based upon many different things. What works for one
couple, may not work for another. I expect that most marriages have secrets
between the partners. I am sure my wife tells her friends things about me
that she does not talk to me about. I expect I would be disappointed if she
did not.

So, even though some of the comments were tongue in cheek and some were not,
you have to look at the total aspect. Suppose a husband buys a boatanchor
and sneaks it in the back door. It is really an investment and can
generally be sold later for at least what what was paid for it. Isn't that
better than a husband who, thinking he is not going to live forever and
being worried about money for his wife, buys Enron stock? Or perhaps you
are suggesting that before either spouse does anything they need to discuss
it with their spouse.

In the end, being judgmental about how someone else lives requires a certain
amount of ego. With some exceptions, I try not to judge how others live.
My main responsibility is to make sure the sink is clean when my wife gets
home after a long trip - and call before dinner if I am going to be late.

Life is good.

Colin K7FM