The whole story, up to now….



(Knock at the door) Doug opens door wearing his skimpiest thong underwear

Doug: Hi Sparky! How are you!

Sparky: I'm good Doug. Is dinner ready?

Doug: Almost. In the meantime, you can snack on me, but we need to hurry
before George gets here.

Sparkyscreaming) Doug! Will you shut up with the advances! I already told
you I've started to like women now! Now leave me alone!

Doug: OK, OK! I just thought we could be like the old days again.

Sparky: No, I'm really going to stick it out this time.

Doug: (sniffling) Ok Sparky, have it your way. I'll respect your wishes.

Sparky: Where's George? Do we have to wait for him to eat?

Doug: Yes, he's bringing the salad.

Sparky: OK. Got any snacks?

Doug: I think so, let me check.

(knock at the door) Doug answers the door.

Dougexclaiming) George! My God! What happened to you?

Georgecrying) I was just out minding my own business, following this little
girl, and all the sudden, wham! Her Dad must have seen me and punched me. I had
just asked if she wanted some candy too. I think I could have had her. Then the
Dad pulled out of the window of my Pacer, and beat me some more. I think he
dislocated my shoulder too.

Sparky: Can we eat now?

Doug: Sparky, can't you see George is hurt? Go get one of the steaks for
George's black eyes. And while you're in the kitchen Sparky, get some ice for
his broken nose and busted lip too.

Sparky: OK, but I ain't eating the steak that you use on George's eyes!

Doug: OK, whatever!

(Sparky spends fully 5 minutes trying to figure out which steak is the
smallest, so he can have the biggest…then finally he returns)

Doug: God Sparky! Why did you take a bite out of it? It's raw, for Christ's
sake!

Sparkyunintelligible mumbling caused by mouthful of raw steak)

Douggrabs steak from Sparky and applies it to George's eyes) There now
George. Is that better? Dougy knows how to make you feel better, doesn't he?

George: Yes Doug, it's much better now. Thanks, you know I bruise easily.

Doug: Hey Sparky, light the grill.

Sparky: Hey, those steaks ain't half bad raw! Do we really need to cook them?

Doug: My God Sparky! Sometimes you act like a Neanderthal! Light the damn
grill!

(Sparky goes out back, turns on the gas, clicks the igniter repeatedly, nothing
happens. Goes back inside for matches and returns)

Dougjust as Sparky lights the match) NO! STOP!

(loud explosion)

Sparky: (screaming) I'm on fire! Somebody help me!

(Sparky runs back through the house with his beard on fire, screaming for help.
Doug and George race behind him with teacups filled with water)

To Be Continued






Finally, Doug and George manage to catch Sparky and beat out the fire in
Sparky's beard with the teacups.

Sparky: Thanks guys! That was close! I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Doug: No prob Sparky. You know we love you.

George: Speak for yourself, Doug! Faggot!

Sparky: Can we eat now?

George: Well, we could if you hadn't blown up the grill!

Doug: It's OK Sparky. We'll just grill the steaks on the stove.

Sparky: I don't wanna wait! I'm getting dizzy. My cholesterol must have dropped
below 300.

George: Here, drink this.

Sparky: What is it?

George: Bacon drippings. It will bring the cholesterol level back up in your
blood.

Sparkydrinks greedily) Burp! Thanks George.

George: No problem. Hey Doug, you still have that "Little Boys Gone Wild in
Toledo"
video?

Doug: I think so…check over there in the gay porn by the VCR.

George: Faggot! (looks for the tape)

Sparky: I'm hungry! Let's eat.

Doug: Just hang on a minute. Let me get these damn steaks cooked. (throws the
steaks in the pan)

George: (tearing his eyes off the video) Sparky, get the salad and dressing
ready, will ya? I'm busy now.

Sparky: OK, George. (Sparky sets the table)

Doug: How do you guys like your steaks?

Sparky: Raw is fine with me.

George: (rubbing his crotch while watching the little girl video) I don't care.
Yeah, raw is fine with me too.

Doug: (mumbles) Damn weirdo's…

Doug: (grease splatters on Doug's hairless chest) Ouch!

George: Doug, do you mind if I take this video home with me?

Doug: Sure, take it. You know I don't like females.

George: (under his breath) Faggot!

Sparky: Can we eat now?

Doug: Yep! Steaks are done. (Doug places them on the table)

Sparky: I'm first George! That's my steak!

George: Whatever Sparky! Hell, I'm just gonna leave now. (grabs the video and
heads for the door)

Doug: Where you going, George?

George: Um…uh…I'm not really hungry now. I think I'll just watch this tape
at home.

Sparky: Good! Gimme his steak.

Doug: OK George, see ya later.

George: Bye


To be continued….

Scene: Much later in the evening after George has gone home to watch his kiddy
porn, we return to find Doug and Sparky enmeshed in each other's arms.

Doug: Sparky, I knew you would come around.

Sparky: Well Doug, I kind of feel guilty…almost as if I'm slipping back into
my old self. I've really tried to kick this man habit, but I can't seem to stop
having feelings for you.

Doug: Well Sparky, I always knew we were meant for each other.

Sparky: I only ask one thing of you, Doug.

Doug: What might that be, Sparky?

Sparky: All I ask is that you don't breath a word of this encounter to George.

Doug: Fair enough. I know he's a bit of a bigot.

Sparky: Yes he is, but he's still my only real friend. You know, I can't count
the times that he's tried to save me when I've gotten in over my head on the
newsgroup.

Doug: I know Sparky, and he's done the same for me. I really love him, but I
can't let him know that.

Sparky: So, we're sworn to secrecy, right Doug?

Doug: Absolutely! Remember, we did take the AKC pledge.

Sparkychuckles quietly)

Sparky: (tentatively) OK Doug, I'm all yours.

Scene: Fade to black…