CITIZENS ALERT:

Reports of a mentally impaired individual (Mopeadope) wandering
aimlessly around Ohio knocking on doors and looking for an "n8WWM"
have been flooding in to Ohio authorities. Police say this individual
suffers from a rare disease called keyclownism which leaves the
patient with a peanut sized brain, prone to extremes of retardation
and homosexuality. The mentally confused victims of the keyclown
disease mix up numbers and addresses and have trouble obeying federal
laws, often frequenting truck stops seeking male semen to ingest,
often dressing as fairies or ballerinas. If you see such an individual
don't try and apprehend him, call the AKC (or an Animal Control Unit)
immediately.