Suggested Voice Mail Message for US Department of Defense


Thank you for calling the United States DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE; the
authorized enforcer for the New World Order .Please have your United
Nations Resolution number ready.

At this time all of our units are out, or are otherwise engaged. Please
leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region,
the type a crisis that you have.There is no need to leave a number; at
which, we might call you. Your caller I.D. and voice print will be
automatically processed, and a print out of your dossier and profile
will be delivered to the appropriate agencies; including our thought
police.

As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, marching
up and down the streets of Washington, D.C., and compulsory
"Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call. Please
speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to
the following numbers:

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels,
and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs,
please press 1 for the United States Air Force. Please note this
service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special
consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth
technology who can provide additional research and development funding.
Please identifyEXACTLY who it is, that does not believe in peace, so
that we can dropbombs on the right people... (mostly).

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Rapid Deployment
Force.

If you want to report a thought crime please press 3.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be
routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please
note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can
afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your
account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be
classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at,
paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a
condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your ass
off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and
night, and whilst watching Congress erode your original benefits
package, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be
connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall
down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the
United States DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE.