http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com...?id=1791202006

If you think Nessie is Britain's best known Scot then I'll have some of
what you are drinking
GOOD news for the Loch Ness monster which has just been voted the best
known Scot in Britain despite the fact that a) she is a monster of
uncertain nationality, and b) she does not exist. Minor quibbles, I
think you will agree.

So how come Nessie topped this prestigious poll? Some clue may come
from the fact the survey was conducted by the maker of Crabbies Green
Ginger Wine, a potent brew favoured by those unruly types within our
society who like to get off their heads quickly on cheap sweet booze,
or pensioners, as I like to call them.

One can only assume that many of the respondents had partaken of the
drink before questioning. I don't know if you have ever tried drinking
a couple of bottles of Crabbies on the bounce but, let me tell you, if
you do, the appearance of monsters in the room, while very likely to
occur, is the least of your worries.

As usual the survey's conclusions have been dismissed, largely on the
grounds that they are the opinions of the general public.

One critic even derided the poll as another example of our preference
for vacuous celebrity over men or women of real achievement. How
Nessie, who has never been spotted at all, never mind spotted emerging
from a nightclub while flashing her nether regions, can be regarded as
a witless celebrity is beyond me. There again I do not believe in
Britney Spears either.