A lovely description of xmas day shopping at ******Mart fer sure!
If you look at e-bay also, since friday I have noticed alot of
DVD players being put up for sale (at double the price minus shipping)
for all the e-suckers. Glub ****ing bless amerika!

"Scopata Fuori" wrote in message
. com...

"okracoke mailclown" wrote in message
...

Woman Knocked Unconscious By Wal-Mart Shoppers
When Orange City and EVAC paramedics got to
the store they found Van Lester lying on her
left side on top of the DVD player, surrounded
by shoppers seemingly oblivious to the
unconscious woman

snip

It seems WalMart has generously put a similar DVD player "on hold" for her,
presumably to purchase at the $29.99 price. By the time the
lawyer^h^h^vultures are done, she should be able to afford one.

And the hordes of madding shopper-lemmings didn't pry the prized $29.99 DVD
player out of her clench as she lay unconscious?

I must admit, I have been to one of those ridiculous sales. My best friend
talked me into partaking in the shopping frenzy with her, a few years
ago...and never have I seen such a desperate crush of subhumanity willing to
inflict indignity upon their fellow consumers with absolute and deadly
purpose.

Enough negro broodstock to repopulate the whole of Nigeria with two
generations' breeding, were milling about restlessly in the overrun parking
lot, awaiting the flick of the lights, the click of the lock, and the
hesitant unbarring of the door. My instinct at the time was to flee the
scene in favor of the relative peace of home, and let the jigaboos grab the
**** like apes on a pile o' 'nanners. But my neighbor relied on my presence
to help scout the way to the Great Loss Leader of the Season, which happened
to be a dozen or so VCR's at a price quite reflective of its actual cost in
Chinee labor to produce. At exactly the advertised hour, plus the fifty or
so seconds the nervous clerk fumbled with the key to the Mart o' Bargains,
the crowds surged to the door, a dull roar echoing through the collective as
the hivemind

I knew this was a bad idea.

I knew it.

But not to disappoint my friend, I stayed at her side.

We were swept up in the initial crush through the double doors, and there
the pack stuck, like a dry turd. Literally crushed between smelly bodies,
the inner doors bottlenecked the insane mass of people wanting nothing more
than a twelve dollar set of barbecue utensils with the printed signature of
their favorite NASCAR driver, a thirty-five dollar VCR, or an eighty-three
dollar color television set. Or, as a consolation, one of the many
not-so-bargains strategically laid out for the mesmerized masses.

No sooner had we been ejaculated into the bowl of the store, but two wild
eyed coons dash into the waiting cashiers lines, carts pre-loaded with
booty. Obviously, Nig 1 and Nig 2 had been let into the store previously by
the employees, loaded up their carts with at least seven of the
twelve-per-store allotted televisions and probably all the cheapie VCRs
available, and made like a mad score before the buzzer at a b-ball game.

We made our way towards the middle of the store, where indeed, the wise
management team had made the savvy decision to deposit the Objects of Desire
on pallets outside the confines of the electronics department, and thereupon
the savages set about making like looters without breaking as much glass.
Nig 3 was helping Nig 4, evidently of a slower tribe than Nigs 1 and 2
respectively, load the remaining handful of discount televisions and VCRs
into her overflowing cart. Now, these individuals had obviously had a head
start, since they were not amongst the sardines tightly pressed into the
vestibule like Jews on the trains; rather, their brethren must have let them
in to loot before the doors legitimately opened to the Teeming Millions.

I can understand grabbing a cheap television, maybe one for one's buddy, but
to allow a head start to their brethren to snatch every one? If it was
indeed a free-for-all, I am certainly out for the same blood as the rest of
'em. But this was not a free-for-all. This was a chimpscam, pure and simple.
And I was ****ed.

Not for my potential loss of the right to purchase a
made-in-the-land-of-the-Chinee television at a price somewhat below pawnshop
prices. I was ****ed because I'd been coaxed out of bed at an unglubly hour
for absolutely no chance of concluding this mission successfully.

My friend was greatly disappointed, as a new 17" television to replace her
broken one would've been worth the hour's wait in the bitter cold dark, or
at least the fifty three dollar discount. Members of the Working Poor are
more keenly aware of the personal price of fifty-three dollars, in terms of
hours spent on the job producing goods and services, and that price
difference means dollars available to purchase groceries, or pay the
electric bill, or towards repairing the family car. When one's income is
allotted without personal stake in its provenance, the disposal of such
becomes without conscience. So the procurement of several more televisions
in such a subculture tells less of positive acquisition, and more of selfish
yet mindless self-gratification.

Luck, providence, or Nig 4's lack thereof, prevailed.

At least two of her pickaninnies, hysterically overexcited at the mad
stampede, decided to join the looting in the candy aisle, just as I arrived.
Her cart contained four televisions, that I counted, plus three or more
VCR's. For some reason, she overlooked the NASCAR themed barbecue utensils.
I kindly pointed out she'd missed the entire crate of twelve dollar Dale
Earnhardt Barbecue Sets, not wanting such a needy person to go without such
indispnsable household items. She looked around, lest she miss out, and
realized she was missing some of her brood. "Taisha!" she shrilled.
"TAI---IIIISSSHHAAAA!"

"GUMRY! GUM-RY where you be, BOY?"

"TAISHA I bust YORE ASS I catch you GUMRY I BUST YO ASS WIDE" she shouted,
and made her decision to turn from her prey to lumber like a mutant water
buffalo down past Stationery and into the Candy aisles. That was all it
took. I smiled benevolently as one of her sistahs pounced on her cart,
snatching a teevee and waddling away with it as fast as a duck can heist a
brick. Well hey, I thought. Good enough for whitey, then.

I took the opportunity to remove one television from her hoard, and a VCR,
as that was what my friend had come for. And then, because I could and for
the hell of it, I took a second television, placed it too in my cart, and
casually pulled away. By the time I'd settled the two televisions into my
cart, the boogies had taken every one of her ill-gotten gains, and even a
Trailer Park Tammy had managed to snag one of those machines so useful for
playing and replaying tapes of their favorite WWF episodes.

I caught a glimpse of her strutting hard, wild haired and angry, eyes
glowing stupidly, dragging two small dark miscreants past Stationery and
back towards the former pile of Cheap Televisions and VCRs, and her newly
emptied cart. I chuckled evilly to myself, and wondered exactly what was I
to do with this eighty three dollar Made-in-the-Land-of-the-Chinee TeeVee,
and I had not yet even tendered my cash for it.

I briefly considered letting one of the latecomers gratefully take it off my
hands. But no, I caught up with my friend, and her armload of items, and let
her take the TV and VCR she had wanted. And paid my eighty three dollars
plus tax, took it home, and there it sat in my bedroom for almost a year,
never removed from the box, until the SD decided it would be a fine venue
for Feelthy Peectures, and hooked it up.

I haven't been back to one of those feeding frenzies. The twenty dollars or
so I might save, give or take, is simply not worth the extra hassle. This
Black Friday, I spent attempting to peruse the national collections of
antiquties and arts in our capitol, rather than setting foot in anything
vaguely retail.

Oh, and I did manage to fart in the vestibule, while being crushed front to
back by the crowds packing themselves in towards the door. Five small points
for me, but with a Crowd +35 Multiplier.

Hysterical! absolutely hysterical well done!
"dietcolas" wrote in message
...
A lovely description of xmas day shopping at ******Mart fer sure!
If you look at e-bay also, since friday I have noticed alot of
DVD players being put up for sale (at double the price minus shipping)
for all the e-suckers. Glub ****ing bless amerika!

"Scopata Fuori" wrote in message
. com...

"okracoke mailclown" wrote in message
...

Woman Knocked Unconscious By Wal-Mart Shoppers
When Orange City and EVAC paramedics got to
the store they found Van Lester lying on her
left side on top of the DVD player, surrounded
by shoppers seemingly oblivious to the
unconscious woman

snip

It seems WalMart has generously put a similar DVD player "on hold" for
her,
presumably to purchase at the $29.99 price. By the time the
lawyer^h^h^vultures are done, she should be able to afford one.

And the hordes of madding shopper-lemmings didn't pry the prized $29.99
DVD
player out of her clench as she lay unconscious?

I must admit, I have been to one of those ridiculous sales. My best
friend
talked me into partaking in the shopping frenzy with her, a few years
ago...and never have I seen such a desperate crush of subhumanity
willing to
inflict indignity upon their fellow consumers with absolute and deadly
purpose.

Enough negro broodstock to repopulate the whole of Nigeria with two
generations' breeding, were milling about restlessly in the overrun
parking
lot, awaiting the flick of the lights, the click of the lock, and the
hesitant unbarring of the door. My instinct at the time was to flee the
scene in favor of the relative peace of home, and let the jigaboos grab
the
**** like apes on a pile o' 'nanners. But my neighbor relied on my
presence
to help scout the way to the Great Loss Leader of the Season, which
happened
to be a dozen or so VCR's at a price quite reflective of its actual cost
in
Chinee labor to produce. At exactly the advertised hour, plus the fifty
or
so seconds the nervous clerk fumbled with the key to the Mart o'
Bargains,
the crowds surged to the door, a dull roar echoing through the
collective as
the hivemind

I knew this was a bad idea.

I knew it.

But not to disappoint my friend, I stayed at her side.

We were swept up in the initial crush through the double doors, and
there
the pack stuck, like a dry turd. Literally crushed between smelly
bodies,
the inner doors bottlenecked the insane mass of people wanting nothing
more
than a twelve dollar set of barbecue utensils with the printed signature
of
their favorite NASCAR driver, a thirty-five dollar VCR, or an
eighty-three
dollar color television set. Or, as a consolation, one of the many
not-so-bargains strategically laid out for the mesmerized masses.

No sooner had we been ejaculated into the bowl of the store, but two
wild
eyed coons dash into the waiting cashiers lines, carts pre-loaded with
booty. Obviously, Nig 1 and Nig 2 had been let into the store previously
by
the employees, loaded up their carts with at least seven of the
twelve-per-store allotted televisions and probably all the cheapie VCRs
available, and made like a mad score before the buzzer at a b-ball game.

We made our way towards the middle of the store, where indeed, the wise
management team had made the savvy decision to deposit the Objects of
Desire
on pallets outside the confines of the electronics department, and
thereupon
the savages set about making like looters without breaking as much
glass.
Nig 3 was helping Nig 4, evidently of a slower tribe than Nigs 1 and 2
respectively, load the remaining handful of discount televisions and
VCRs
into her overflowing cart. Now, these individuals had obviously had a
head
start, since they were not amongst the sardines tightly pressed into the
vestibule like Jews on the trains; rather, their brethren must have let
them
in to loot before the doors legitimately opened to the Teeming Millions.

I can understand grabbing a cheap television, maybe one for one's buddy,
but
to allow a head start to their brethren to snatch every one? If it was
indeed a free-for-all, I am certainly out for the same blood as the rest
of
'em. But this was not a free-for-all. This was a chimpscam, pure and
simple.
And I was ****ed.

Not for my potential loss of the right to purchase a
made-in-the-land-of-the-Chinee television at a price somewhat below
pawnshop
prices. I was ****ed because I'd been coaxed out of bed at an unglubly
hour
for absolutely no chance of concluding this mission successfully.

My friend was greatly disappointed, as a new 17" television to replace
her
broken one would've been worth the hour's wait in the bitter cold dark,
or
at least the fifty three dollar discount. Members of the Working Poor
are
more keenly aware of the personal price of fifty-three dollars, in terms
of
hours spent on the job producing goods and services, and that price
difference means dollars available to purchase groceries, or pay the
electric bill, or towards repairing the family car. When one's income is
allotted without personal stake in its provenance, the disposal of such
becomes without conscience. So the procurement of several more
televisions
in such a subculture tells less of positive acquisition, and more of
selfish
yet mindless self-gratification.

Luck, providence, or Nig 4's lack thereof, prevailed.

At least two of her pickaninnies, hysterically overexcited at the mad
stampede, decided to join the looting in the candy aisle, just as I
arrived.
Her cart contained four televisions, that I counted, plus three or more
VCR's. For some reason, she overlooked the NASCAR themed barbecue
utensils.
I kindly pointed out she'd missed the entire crate of twelve dollar Dale
Earnhardt Barbecue Sets, not wanting such a needy person to go without
such
indispnsable household items. She looked around, lest she miss out, and
realized she was missing some of her brood. "Taisha!" she shrilled.
"TAI---IIIISSSHHAAAA!"

"GUMRY! GUM-RY where you be, BOY?"

"TAISHA I bust YORE ASS I catch you GUMRY I BUST YO ASS WIDE" she
shouted,
and made her decision to turn from her prey to lumber like a mutant
water
buffalo down past Stationery and into the Candy aisles. That was all it
took. I smiled benevolently as one of her sistahs pounced on her cart,
snatching a teevee and waddling away with it as fast as a duck can heist
a
brick. Well hey, I thought. Good enough for whitey, then.

I took the opportunity to remove one television from her hoard, and a
VCR,
as that was what my friend had come for. And then, because I could and
for
the hell of it, I took a second television, placed it too in my cart,
and
casually pulled away. By the time I'd settled the two televisions into
my
cart, the boogies had taken every one of her ill-gotten gains, and even
a
Trailer Park Tammy had managed to snag one of those machines so useful
for
playing and replaying tapes of their favorite WWF episodes.

I caught a glimpse of her strutting hard, wild haired and angry, eyes
glowing stupidly, dragging two small dark miscreants past Stationery and
back towards the former pile of Cheap Televisions and VCRs, and her
newly
emptied cart. I chuckled evilly to myself, and wondered exactly what was
I
to do with this eighty three dollar Made-in-the-Land-of-the-Chinee
TeeVee,
and I had not yet even tendered my cash for it.

I briefly considered letting one of the latecomers gratefully take it
off my
hands. But no, I caught up with my friend, and her armload of items, and
let
her take the TV and VCR she had wanted. And paid my eighty three dollars
plus tax, took it home, and there it sat in my bedroom for almost a
year,
never removed from the box, until the SD decided it would be a fine
venue
for Feelthy Peectures, and hooked it up.

I haven't been back to one of those feeding frenzies. The twenty dollars
or
so I might save, give or take, is simply not worth the extra hassle.
This
Black Friday, I spent attempting to peruse the national collections of
antiquties and arts in our capitol, rather than setting foot in anything
vaguely retail.

Oh, and I did manage to fart in the vestibule, while being crushed front
to
back by the crowds packing themselves in towards the door. Five small
points
for me, but with a Crowd +35 Multiplier.