On Some Sad Laps, No Heads Bob
Posted by James Wolcott
This morning on Air America, Jerry Springer ran the tape of Rush
Limbaugh's bizarre outburst against Al Gore's upcoming cable news
venture for "yoof" (as they say in British papers), mocking its
mission to represent the viewpoints of young people by claiming that
the only thing kids cared about today was blowjobs, which were rampant
in the nation's high schools today thanks to Al's good friend Bill
Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Maybe it should be called "The BJ
Network," Rush railed, since blowjobs were now the only thing
occupying the empty minds of MTV audiences--all those teenage Monicas
out there hooking up with teenage Bubbas.

Limbaugh seemed to be implying at the top of his voice that blowjobs
are an integral part of the liberal agenda, an argument which he may
want to rethink. The popularity of blowjobs is difficult to metric but
undeniable; they cause little harm and zero unwanted pregnancies. If
the plentitude of blowjobs is part of the Clinton legacy, millions owe
the former president a debt of gratitude and an annual pilgrimage to
the Clinton Memorial Library in Arkansas.

Yet, like so many products and pleasures, blowjobs aren't evenly
distributed in society. It's a renewable natural resource not everyone
gets to enjoy, and I was struck by the vehement tone of Limbaugh's
tirade. He sounded bitter. I've seen this rancor inflict so many
middle-aged men. Reading about all the oral sex young people are
presumably having, they feel envious and resentful. No classmates were
treating them to afterschool blowjobs in high school! Nor were hot
teachers like that one in Florida seducing them in parked cars. It
doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem just. We're living in the Golden
Age of BJs, and men in Rush's recumbent position feel barred from
Eden, forced to imagine the action from their recliners as they stare
sullenly at their plasma screens. It's probably how many adults felt
during the free-love Sixties as the lid came off the nation's libido.

Clearly no small part of the undying enmity conservatives like Rush
(and many liberal men too) have for Bill Clinton was that he was their
age (maybe even older) and yet was able to participate in the exciting
blowjob youth movement courtesy of Monica Lewinsky's bright red mouth\0\0\0How this made them seethe, and the fact they still mention it at the
slightest farfetched opportunity shows that they seethe still.

At the time, Hillary-haters sneered that if she had been